Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The best revenge is premature balding
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
