she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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