Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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