It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
