I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
