Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
