This girl is more easily done than said...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I love you. Go after that dick
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
