i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
