My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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