His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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