I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize