that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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