i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
