got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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