i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
