My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize