I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.