Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
Terrible brother advice.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
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yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
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Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again