I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...