my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again