My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.