you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.