I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.