I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now