i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts