youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.