I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.