theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.