It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
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i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
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Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.