He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Can't talk, ducks in the car