My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?