My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize