I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
