Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize