: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
