brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
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He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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