Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
