Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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