We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
