Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize