You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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