I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
