The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
