There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Still dying that you shit outside
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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