I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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