I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
