Can i not drive my cunt home
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
