i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
