some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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