every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
