I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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