i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just gargled with NyQuil
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
