Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
When are your genitals available?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
