my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
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My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
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I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit