I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
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deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
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We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.