I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.