Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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