Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize