I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle