We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
How naked do you want me to be?
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