So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
