u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
