forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
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You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
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So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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