hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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