I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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