I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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